When i’m in pain,
I draw.
I don’t use pencil,
I use a razor.
It doesn’t spit ink,
The ink comes from the paper.
Crimson red,
That’s all I can remember.
My paper is my wrist,
Ink’s dripping all over but I can’t resist.
Fuck.
I’m sad again.
Hey Dude
Dude,
Stop reaching out for the girl who never appreciated you.
Stop making her feel loved even if she doesn’t feel the same way too.
Stop inviting her to eat or have a little conversation with her,
I’m telling you this– she’s not a keeper.
She was there when you needed someone to cheer you up.
She was there to tell you corny jokes when you were feeling sad.
Honestly, she’s a nice companion.
And there you thought that she’s the one;
You thought she’ll be there from sunrise till the sun goes down.
But all those thoughts of yours are wrong.
Maybe she’ll be with you as your friend but she’ll never be with you as your partner and as a girl you’ll be settling down with.
Should I tell you the harsh truth? I guess you did not saw this coming, but here it is.
…….Are you ready?
She’s still inlove with someone who had been a part of her past.
She hasn’t moved on yet and she just wanted someone to fill the emptiness she’s feeling in her heart.
She’s not really interested with you,
So she’s saying sorry if one day she’ll be following her selfish desire.
“Sorry” she whispered as her eyes shut down to arrive in the dreamland.
#Painful #Goodbye
Almost
While I was cleaning my closet, A shiny thing has drawn my attention. It was very beautiful to my eyes and it was very precious to me as if it was the answer to my Gehenna-like problems.
I took it and checked it’s very thin body with shimmering edges.
I let it touch my skin; the steel is cold but it’s very soothing. I gently stroked it against my skin and a crimson red liquid came out from it.
“Wow, I feel good!” – I exclaimed with joy
Silence filled my room and I goggled at my wrist again, I was excited. Again, I made a cut but it was deeper. The deeper I cut, the more meaningful it was. Blood dripped like a faucet from my wrist.
I was about to make a cut again aiming my pulse but I heard a ring on my phone. It was a message from my bestfriend, she said how thankful she was to have me as her confidante, my eyes started to grow watery and in less than a minute my mom and dad called me, they told me how much they love me and how proud they are to me.
Tears rolled down my cheeks because reality suddenly strucked me.
I thought I have lost everyone, but I just didn’t notice that it was myself that I am losing. It was a life-lesson for me that eventhough someone leaves you and made you feel like you’re worthless, someone still sees you as a valuable gem and you have a very big part in their lives especially in their hearts.
One to Ten
1
For one whole day she’s been contemplating about the decision she’s making.
2
She’s thinking that the two of them aren’t meant for each other that’s why she has finally decided to let go even if her heart will shatter.
3
It’s been almost three days since the connection was lost and now she’s staring at the wall blankly with her mind closed.
4
She dreamt of him at exactly 4am. He was walking away, and she didn’t stopped him. Instead, she picked herself up and walked in the opposite way without looking back.
5
It has been 5 years since she felt this empty feeling and now she’s feeling it again.
6
Six thoughts clouded up her mind–
-How is he?
-Does he atleast think about her for a while?
-Does he even care with her presence?
-Was she a bother for him?
-What is he doing for today?
-Does she ever cross his mind?
While she was thinking those thoughts she suddenly sighed.
7
Seven people are convincing her that she has to move on because life goes on. Those persons were her
-4 friends
-2 best friends
-herself
8
Eight resembles infinity. And she said to herself that he’ll be remembered by her forever.
9
She took nine steps from the mirror where she was reflecting herself at and she felt she’s finally free from this love horror
10
She said these ten simple yet meaningful words.
“Thank you for your time, i’m finally letting you go.”
You? What’s your one-ten story?
What is love and what does it make you.
Love is a gamble. Anything about love is a crapshoot. You’re willing to risk anything hoping that you’ll be achieving more. But when you love someone who doesn’t love you back is like betting odds you can never win.
Love can make you go nuts. You can’t stop thinking about that person you love. Everything about them are just too perfect for you. You’re willing to accept them even though they’ve got multiple flaws.
Love can make you blind. Love is foolish. A person with a 20/20 vision can be blinded by love. To avoid yourself from being hurt with the reality,you keep yourself coated with his/her sweetness eventhough you already know the 100 percent of the fact that they will never belong to you.
Love is starting with a hello and ending up with a goodbye. You’ll learn that people may leave your life but will never leave your heart. There will always be a space in you that will keep you reminded by him/her.
Love is–
Love is everything.
It can make you happy
It can make you inspired
But it can make you crazy
And at the same time,sad.
Loving yourself more.
We often fall in love to the wrong person and it really takes time to mend our shattered hearts. Sometimes we just descry ourselves staying up until 4 in the morning listening to the haunting and deafening sound of silence.
We spend a lot of time grieving for the loss of a person who is not even dead–
We even keep adoring someone painstakingly.
You will find out that love is not constantly about catalyzing an affinity towards other persons. At certain times, it is all about bringing your broken pieces all together and creating a whole new piece of yourself with it. Once you already collected your self back, a great realization will hit you like a raging train– that there’s more to come and is obviously better than whatever you had yesterday.
Not all people will stay. They eventually leave. But even though you already saw it coming,you’ll never be prepared of it. My pal,when you love someone, never give your all.
Take a break from your heartbreaks. Let yourself relax for a while. Find yourself before you face your tomorrow. Here are some tips that might help you know yourself more and realize how lovely you are in your own ways.
1. Take yourself out on a date.
Take note with the word “yourself”.
Taking yourself out will help your self-actualization and self-acceptance skills to improve. By these two you’ll learn that there is nothing that could make you happy but yourself. You could eat on your favorite restaurant or you could take yourself to a peaceful place and think about how beautiful life is. You could also watch a movie with a genre of your choice,no one will be complaining. In short,there will be no one who will give you a hard time in choosing what you like. For me, I take myself to a coffee house to another (sort of cafe hopping). Coffee shops are the best places to cool your minds off and the most effective body calmer.
2. Travel
This is one way of escaping from this cruel reality. You must try visiting some refreshing places just like beaches. Much better if you arrive on the beach before the sunset so that you can witness it. And there, as the sun goes down,you’ll actualize yourself as the sun and you’ll come up to an idea that not all downfalls are ugly and grotesque. Remember,the sun rises after the ceasing itself.
3. Develop a spiritual relationship with God.
Growing with God will make you feel that you are never alone. It makes you feel that someone walks with you along your journey. Making God as a center of your self will make you acquire good lessons in life that will permanently incline your mindset towards positiveness.
These 3 are just based from my own experience and I think it’s very helpful. If you’re still confused then simply find a way on your own and dare to explore because experience is the best teacher.
Disclaimer: photos aren’t mine.
“A Strong Fool”
“A Strong Fool”
As I was typing those words for you, tears suddenly trickled down from my eyes. I wondered why I was doing it when in the first place, it would just excruciate my penurious heart– and with that I realized that I really am a proficient faker. No one can ever decipher on how crestfallen I was because all they knew that I was joyous and blissful and that I do not know how to feel wretched. But no. If you were on my shoes you would perhaps feel disconsolidated.
I promised that I would be strong enough to hold myself from crossing the line between us but I failed. The line was too fine; enough to make me blinded by my feelings and as I step in to his side, I realized how horrible it was to fall in love with him. Why? Because he’s in love with somebody else. What i made was a very crummy and dumb move and my current stats?– still stuck with him. There’s only one chance so I can get out from this and i’m doing it. It’s now or never.
I pushed the person I love to someone he’s inlove with. And now, here I am, giving him some advices on how to court her. The pain was just very unbearable that I decided to prevent him from having a contact with me but unluckily,destiny’s too oppresive for me. Maybe I am foreordained to remain beneath misery. Mayhap I am destined to tarry in the midst of this heart-tormenting situation. Maybe I am meant to stay like a tomfool.
Right now, I am doing the best thing for everyone regardless of what i’ll be feeling. Dear destiny, I accept the fate you gave unto me- to be a fool, to be a martyr, and to be a lover without a lover.
I pity myself but I also ache for the people who will be affected if I bang my selfish appetency away.
I am strong for I can still think other persons’ sake without thinking for my own.
Yet I am a fool,for I remained myself a visionless creature when it comes to love…
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